Look. I’ve slept through my alarm, so my husband has to wake me up, and this morning’s shower is non-negotiable, so in I go even though I am already running late. As I wash my hair I mentally review my closet and select the navy and white sundress even though it is March and still cold because I know I can layer the light gray cardigan over top and no one will be any the wiser.
I am out of the shower, face cream on, hair combed, mascara on and down the stairs for breakfast in under five minutes. Andre has made me a smoothie – he really is the best – but I have to wait for the water to heat for tea. Breathe. Crossword. The water boils and I pour it over the tea, gulp a little more smoothie, run up the stairs to wake the boys then back down the stairs to stop the tea steeping then back up the stairs to finish getting ready.
Black leggings are obviously a no – the dress is navy. I dig for gray leggings. Nope. The only available tights are also black. I search again for the gray leggings while my brain again mentally scans my closet. Ah, there are the leggings! I dry my hair then brush my teeth, wishing – not for the first time – that I were ambidextrous, a skill I imagine using mostly to do things like dry my hair and brush my teeth at the same time. Superpowers, I think, would be wasted on me.
Ok. Ready. Just socks.
Socks.
What the heck kind of socks am I going to wear with gray leggings and a navy dress? Gray. I need gray. There are no gray socks in the drawer. I have white – that’s a no – brown, black. I stare at the socks. In the caverns of my mind I hear my stepsister, Jamie, saying, “I’d go with the _______ pair. ______ goes with everything.” I have no idea whether she said “brown” or “black.” ARGH.
Um… Ok, focus on shoes instead. Which shoes will I wear? I slip on a brown pair, then catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror- nope. I grab a navy pair – but with which socks? Precious seconds slip by. Andre walks into the bedroom and stares at me, barefoot, with multiple pairs of socks on the bed and several pair of shoes on the floor. He looks perplexed. “What are you doing?” I explain my conundrum and he suggests solving it with brown boots. Perfect! I zip them up. Not perfect. They look…wrong.
My carpool buddy will be here any minute. I have not had any tea. I need to be ready about three minutes ago. I still haven’t made my lunch. I stare at the sock drawer as if gray socks might magically appear. I remember that I threw out my last pair a few weeks ago – holes. My carpool buddy arrives downstairs. Suddenly, the solution is obvious: Shakespeare socks. I’m an English teacher! Sure, they don’t match, but they say “To be or not to be” so I can claim literature and no one will be the wiser. Precisely no shoes (probably in the world) go with a navy dress, dark gray leggings and blue-ish Hamlet socks with white skulls and green crowns, so I throw on some navy slides, rush down the stairs, toss a bit of tea down my throat, grab my lunch and run out the door.
No one commented all day long, but I’m pretty sure it was one of the more unusual outfits I have worn in a while. Whatever. March Break starts in under 24 hours. And tomorrow I’m wearing jeans.
Persistence and Pedagogy 
There is a reason certain people where the same exact outfit every day, I guess…
I am surprised no one commented on the socks, however, I think photos of this outfit are needed. I mean, I need to see these socks!
The writing is so well balanced as I can relate to your panic of getting ready, yet you have such a calm way of bringing the anxiety of being late so it hums in the background (like a bad light — in a good way!) as you read, but doesn’t take away from the process.
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Oh, I love how you describe this – the anxiety hums in the background – that’s exactly how it felt: always in a rush, never quite in a panic. Also: we are all just as happy that no photos of this outfit exist.
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This is wonderful. Thank you for the smile on my face while reading this -you drew me along expertly, and I could relate to all of it except that I do not have Shakespeare socks. However, this morning I was using a Sharpie marker to color over the white exposed parts of my boot heels where the fake wood veneer peeled off. Does that count?
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I just snorted. Bwahaha! This one hundred percent counts!
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I was with you the whole way! And there is no judgment. 🙂
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Laugh if you will, but I asked Thomas if I could pretend that I did this on purpose because I was as stylish as Ms McCoy. He looked me up and down and said, “No.” Then he went back to his breakfast. heeheehee
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Oh, friend. I am sometimes happy that my particular neuroatypicality means, among other things,that I really don’t process whether the black leggings go with the navy dress. 🙂 I may have worn rainbow leggings yesterday for Holi.
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and now I need rainbow leggings…
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They’re actually waffle knit rainbow pajama bottoms, I think. I thrifted them.
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I need rainbow leggings too! One of the amazing thing about my particular age is that I am always, always hot (except when I’m not) and when I’m hot I feel like I am melting. I have given up on socks this winter and wear my sandals with bare feet. Everyone laughs at me, but I don’t have to rush around looking for socks so jokes on them. 🙂 I love the way you describe this frantic morning. I’ve had more than one of those for sure!
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Joke’s on them 🙂 heeheehee
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Ananda, I need a photo of your outfit Seriously! Anyway, why are you wearing a dress in the middle of winter in Canada? Your exasperation i. solving your wardrobe problems is palpable. I love how you keep a fast pass going throughout. It adds to the humor. Of course you have Shakespeare socks. One of my super powers while teaching was wearing g subversive socks. My favorites said, “F*ck off. I’m reading.” I loved wearing g them to school, knowing I was getting by w/ naughtiness brought me joy.
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I have those socks, too! Maybe I’ll wear them tomorrow. Subversive literature socks. Perfect for the day before vacation.
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I wanted a picture too! I know in the moment it must have felt stressful, but what fun to read! We’ve all been there…when nothing quite works. Your solution was perfect! Happy almost break!
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Don’t they say shoes complete the outfit? Sounds like socks do the trick, how fun! I understand the frustration of mentally planning out an outfit and then too many parts don’t work, until they do. “Superpowers…would be wasted on me”-my favorite line! However, I don’t think such superpowers would be a waste. Great slice!
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The rapid fire of short sentences and fragments make this slice wonderfully tense. Way to find a way!
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Love it!! So glad you got to use the format!
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