Twenty-seven. I have twenty-seven “This I Believe” essays to comment on, ideally before tomorrow morning. And that’s just for one class. It is 6:17. Wait, let me be clear: it is 6:17pm.
Y’all. This is not going to happen.
I would like to write “How did I end up here?” but I’ve been teaching too long to pretend I don’t know. These were due before March Break and I should have been done before I even left. But some people wanted extensions and some students were late, and I put things off, and here we are.
I would like to pretend that this is because our flight home was delayed yesterday, but I’ve been teaching too long to believe it. I was never going to get through these in one day. Getting home earlier would have made no difference.
I would like to think that the students know how they did or that it won’t matter to them or that this isn’t a big deal, but I’ve been teaching too long to fool myself about this, either. They want their essays back, with a grade.
The good thing about “teaching too long” is that I have learned to forgive myself for this. Am I a fast grader? Sometimes. Thorough? Pretty much always. Right now that has to be enough because there is little I would change about the past ten days, even knowing where I am right now. I loved my March Break – I loved travelling, seeing family, learning to scuba dive. I loved swimming, walking on the beach, and hanging out with my kids. I loved writing and reading in ways that were not completely focused on work (although anyone who knows me knows that I am pretty well always half-thinking about teaching). All of those bits – plus a few hours of lesson planning – mean that when the bell rings tomorrow morning I will be ready to teach again, focused and interested and excited for what each student brings.
After all this time, I’ve finally realized that teaching is an impossible job. There are not enough hours in the day or days in the week for me to learn and plan and teach and care and mark. I could work all day every day and still there would be more. In fact, sometimes the better I get, the more work I have to do. This doesn’t mean that I don’t feel guilty about work I haven’t finished, but it does mean that I handle it better, and I have a much stronger understanding that I am responsible for taking care of myself.
So here I am, reminding myself – and all the other teachers heading back to work – that it’s ok not to have everything done. Tomorrow, we will show up in all our imperfect ways, and the essays will (sadly) still be there on Tuesday.
P.S. And this is why I don’t assign homework over breaks. Everyone needs time off.
Persistence and Pedagogy 
Amanda,
I think this qualifies as a “This I Believe” essay, and it also does what Emerson did so well—uses inductive reasoning. Back in the day we still collected papers, I stopped taking them home during break and started telling kids I know myself well enough to know I’d never get them graded. Not. Gonna. Happen. I wonder if the kids read their papers now, what if anything would they change? Maybe they’d see how letting work and returning to it later helps us rethink our ideas. And I am envious of your time away in warm weather, even though I know mine is coming!
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Say it again for the people in the back!! 👏 “Everyone needs time off.”
I had a principal who told us the day before classes began that there will always be things unchecked on the to do list, it will NEVER be “done,” so to just go home when you’re done for the day. I was grateful for this reminder, and your slice reminds me of it. I’m so glad you enjoyed your break — as you deserved!
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“After all this time, I’ve finally realized that teaching is an impossible job. There are not enough hours in the day or days in the week for me to learn and plan and teach and care and mark. I could work all day every day and still there would be more. In fact, sometimes the better I get, the more work I have to do.”
Feeling this deeply in my marrow.
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So so true. Someone asked me today why there is a shortage of teachers. Maybe this is why?!? Everyone deserves a break and I’m glad you allowed yourself that!
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I neglected my lesson planning today. I’ll regret it tomorrow but I was enjoying my book! Glad you made it home safely. Did you have less snow than when you left?
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I love how kind you are with yourself—it’s so important to give ourselves grace (at least that’s what I always remind myself!). Breaks are meant to be enjoyed, and being a bit late in grading will never be the end of the world. Your perspective is such a refreshing reminder that taking care of ourselves makes us better teachers in the long run. Thank you for sharing this!
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“After all this time, I’ve finally realized that teaching is an impossible job.”
100% this. The constant of I could be/should be…you captured so well in this post. I am glad you went away, and you’re right — the essays can wait.
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