I knew for sure that I had an unwelcome visitor on Saturday. I’d heard the quiet knocking every morning for days, but tried to pretend it wasn’t coming: I went to bed early, but soon sleep started to elude me; I woke daily with a tickle in the back of my throat. By Saturday there was no ignoring the visitor: the virus had arrived.
“I think I’m sick,” I croaked at my spouse, as if my voice and the circles under my bleary eyes didn’t make this obvious.
“I think you are,” he replied, and set me on the couch to recuperate.
We’ve had viruses visit before, of course. Mostly we greet them with tea and honey; we entertain them with ridiculous series on Netflix or long cuddles with good books; always, we like to offer them plenty of rest. This satisfies most viruses. After a day or two, they thank us politely and move on, sometimes leaving behind a bit of a mess, but nothing that we can’t handle if we’re cautious.
This virus though, the one that came on Saturday, this one has overstayed its welcome. I tried to coddle it over the weekend, hoping that it would be willing to move on by Monday morning, but no. Instead, the virus – which had initially taken up residence in my throat – decided that it was too confined and expanded into my lungs and my sinuses. There, it stretched out. “Ah… just what I needed: more space.” It took a particular liking to my lungs and hung out there, making it hard for me to breathe.
So, I took the virus to the doctor’s office where we tried to take a picture of it, but it was shy and hid from the x-ray. “Well,” said the doctor, “at least it’s not Pneumonia. She always overstays her welcome – a real hanger-on, that one.” Pneumonia has visited both me and my spouse, so I knew exactly what the doctor meant. She is a terrible guest. “Still,” the doctor continued, “there are some truly ill-mannered viruses going around right now. This one may stay for days.”
I nodded my head, but I didn’t believe her. I know how to deal with a virus, and I don’t get sick very often. I wheezed my way home and curled up on my couch. I played puzzle games with my virus and watched lots of bad TV. We downloaded a mindless game app and played for hours. We drank unending pots of tea with honey. We knit, pet the dog and took naps. Still, the virus stayed. It fiddled with the thermostat, so I tried to help it get comfortable with some ibuprofen. Then, ungrateful, it spent Monday evening painting my throat bright red. “Much better,” it squealed. After that, it yelled at me whenever I swallowed, “You’re ruining the paint job!”
Every afternoon, I checked in with my virus. “Maybe you could leave tomorrow?” I asked. The virus laughed, and watched me write increasingly tearful emails to the vice principal, telling her that I needed to be out yet again. Last night, as I created the fifth day of lesson plans, the virus was not even remotely helpful. In fact, it laughed even harder and said, “I *might* leave tomorrow, but I’m just not sure yet. Maybe you should go in just to see what I do.” I’d gotten wise to it, though. I knew that it just wanted to stay longer, so I called in sick and sent the (now pretty pathetic) lesson plans.
Today is the seventh day of the virus’s visit. I’ve told it that my spouse and I don’t typically welcome guests for more than a week without consulting with one another, so it is reluctantly packing up. The paint job it had so delighted in has largely faded, and it’s moved into a smaller space, mostly in my throat. I’ve offered it more tea and sleep, but I think it’s starting to crave something different, hopefully something it can’t find in this house. By Monday, this unwelcome visitor should be gone, and I should be back to work. Fingers crossed.
Persistence and Pedagogy 
Sorry to hear that you’ve been ill and that your unwanted guest was so intent on taking up space and time. Your description, however, is extremely compelling and relatable. You give your virus the full treatment as a whole character with motives and a distinct voice.
Glad to be back in community with you, friend. Rest well!
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Surely I’ll be better by Monday… right?
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hedging and bets, something, something…
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I am sorry that you’ve been sick, but I love how you personified your virus. I especially like the bits of dialogue. Feel better!
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Thanks! I really think I’m on the mend now.
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It’s funny, I guess, that we treat an unwelcome guest to so much TLC. There ought to be some way to make ourselves a less hospitable habitat for the virus. Sorry that it overstayed its welcome by so much. Seven days is a long time, and five days of lesson plans is somehow even longer. Hope it takes off this weekend. …and welcome back.
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Takes off – hahaha. I *just* finished reading your blog, and if I didn’t know better, I’d guess you were being intentionally punny. Oh wait..
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I hope this writing works like an eviction notice! You do such a great job of personifying the virus. It really starts to have a personality in this writing!
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Me, too! Begone, Virus! You are not welcome here anymore!
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I adore the personification of this piece! Yes, viruses are the most unwelcome of visitors. What is that adage – “visitors are like fish and stink after three days?” A most unwelcome guest after a full week, especially when unexpected. Hope they leave and never return!
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I almost used that saying in my post!
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Hope you’re feeling better soon!
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Thank you!
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Oh, how rude of that ungrateful visitor! 😉 Wishing you a quick recovery and a wonderful month of daily writing.
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Thanks! Looking forward to writing with you this month!
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Brilliantly written, Amanda! I hope this finds you feeling better in a home only welcome guests!
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Thanks! I think I’ve just about evicted this virus.
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Hello! I am so glad you are posting for the challenge this year! I hope you feel better.
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Thanks, Tammy! And here we go again…
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Oh, yuck, Amanda! I’m so sorry you’ve been so sick. I love how you personified your virus as an unwelcome house guest. It’s hard to say which is worse–the length of your illness or having to write that many sub plans. Yikes! You have my sympathy for both. I hope you have a chance to recuperate fully this weekend and that the virus is gone for good!
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So. many. sub plans. Now I head back tomorrow to see what the students actually did (vs what the sub said they did…)
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Oh my goodness. That sounds like a doozy. I’m sorry you have been so unwell. Maybe an eviction notice is in order? You really brought this virus to life in this piece. Now kick her to the curb!
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I love how you personified the virus–pesky little visitor. I almost wrote about this same thing for tomorrow! All my colleagues in our wing had the sinus gunk last week, and today I woke up with a scratchy throat, and tonight it has moved to my sinuses. Hopefully, mine won’t stay as long as yours! And I hope yours goes away soon!
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Leigh Anne! I forgot to write back – I hope that your scratchy throat has gone away & that you don’t get the sinus gunk!
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Being sick is always annoying. Being sick for a long time is tiring. I hope you get well soon. Fun though how you used this annoying and tiring experience to create an entertaining slice.
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Thanks, Terje. I’m feeling much better now!
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Love the personification… It hit our household (except it WAS Covid) and I am the only one left standing. Hope you feel better soon!
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Boo to Covid. Glad you were left standing!
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A beautifully crafted lesson in extended metaphor! So many of the viruses going around right now seem to be lasting and lasting. I do hope you’re better by now. Take it easy this week! (So glad to see you slicing this month!)
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Here’s to not getting any more viruses for a while!
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