- How many books have you read since school started six weeks ago?
- Easily a book a week since all of the students in all of my classes read independently and silently for at least ten minutes per day.
- Do you mean the books I read to model reading behaviours for my students or the books I read at home? Or maybe the professional books I read?
- Does it count if I don’t remember them?
- [quiet weeping] I keep starting the second chapter but someone keeps farting loudly… in every class.
- When you model writing in front of your students, they…
- watch with interest, asking questions and noticing how I am shaping my work.
- glance up from their own writing occasionally if they are stuck and need some inspiration.
- keep talking
- Wait – I’m supposed to write in front of them? I’m not sure I should turn my back to the class.
- How many phones have you confiscated so far?
- We have incorporated phones seamlessly into our daily routine so that students recognize them as useful learning tools.
- My students and I co-created classroom rules; as a result, they respect the rules and only use phones at pre-determined times.
- 14. Yesterday. During first period.
- [quiet weeping] I’ve started loaning my phone to students when theirs run out of battery.
- How many assignments have you graded?
- We have a routine where students choose their best work every Friday. They polish it and hand it in so that I can provide feedback over the weekend. We don’t need grades because each student has individual goals that they set for themselves and they are monitoring their progress. So far, everyone has an A.
- Six weeks of school; six assignments. I strive for a 24-hour turnaround.
- One. The next one is due at the end of the week.
- One. Mostly. [quiet weeping] Ok, I’m lying. Some students have turned in *something* and I swear I’ve looked at it.
- What is the current state of the magnetic poetry on your chalkboard?
- We have a multi-class collaborative poem that is currently up to four stanzas of rhyming iambic tetrameter.
- Students are using each other’s creations as springboards for their own writing.
- Someone separated the words “pretty flowers” from the rest of the bunch.
- Even though I removed all of the potentially vulgar words from the set, one student – who has yet to turn in any actual work – has managed to write “I want to tongue your mother” and other vague obscenities every day.
- Which unit are you studying?
- We have eschewed “units” as a colonial construct; instead, each student has determined their own course of study, including stretch goals.
- We are right on schedule: we’ve completely wrapped up the second of four units, leaving time in the semester for a final project.
- So… that first unit is taking longer than I thought.
- I think this semester might be one long unit.
- How effective are your anchor charts?
- My students have worked together to create attractive, informative anchor charts that cover the bulletin boards and indicate that this is *their* classroom.
- The anchor charts around the classroom both support and reflect student learning.
- I have some.
- I’m waiting for the chart paper we ordered in late August to finally come in.
- How often do you eat lunch?
- Daily. With my students. I supervise a club every day. Interactions with students are paramount.
- Every day. With my colleagues.
- I mean, I eat…
- I keep forgetting to pack a lunch. Yesterday I gave a student some money when he took a “bathroom break” and he brought me a McDonald’s hamburger and some fries.
- Your sleep patterns can best be described as…
- An effective routine that allows me to function at my peak
- 8 hours per night.
- Erratic
- I just want to get through a night without school nightmares.
- According to your therapist, how many weeks before you go on stress leave?
- This is simply unthinkable. My students need me.
- Stress leave? Teaching is my dream job.
- We think I’ll probably be fine.
- I’m just trying to survive to November.
Persistence and Pedagogy 
I’m a combination of 2’s and 3’s. But I have read a bunch of articles that are all a gooey mess in my brain. I’ve written a few words too, but the gooey mess is making that hard. School nightmares: Why do I keep dreaming that I open a door and discover a hidden dirty kitchen in my classroom??
Hang in there! ❤
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Oh – a dirty kitchen in my classroom would definitely be a nightmare. And I’m nowhere near 4s… yet… heeheehee.
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I love the contrast between the first answer choice and the last! Such a witty post. I think I might modify these questions for elementary teachers to use at the start of a staff meeting. It would kick the meeting off with some laughs!
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Oh! I hope you do it! That would be fantastic!
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I love you. Solid 3’s, dear one, occasionally veering into 4. On a great day, we can see the 2 range from where we are. I am reading a LOT though (it’s my therapy).
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I’m in a bit of a reading slump, but only because I’m forcing myself through something I just need to abandon. And the only place where I’m fully a 4 is magnetic poetry. Hahaha
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Hilarious and too close to the truth on those 4’s. Trying to make it to November is just about right.
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I just want to find a way to give credit for the magnetic poetry. Also, I kind of wish I could ask kids to pick me up lunch. heeheehee
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Laugh-out-loud blog today! I needed this. The cell phone is the one that evoked the first chuckle, and then a laugh riot followed.
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I will fully admit to giggling while I wrote this, so I’m really glad it made you laugh.
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Well written. Reminds me of AKR.
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Interestingly, I have one of her books on my desk, though I haven’t been reading it. I love her. I wonder if just having her book nearby influenced me?
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Multiple Choice response:
*Glad the school year is going so well, Amanda.
*You’re lucky to have such creative, compliant students and summers off. 😉
*Hang in there. It will get better.
*If only schools offered periomenopause leave as well as maternity leave, all mid-career teachers would be set!
*Retirement will come sooner than you think. Promise!
As always, this is clever, but I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe both!
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Perimenopause leave – now *that* is a good idea. Dang. And how long until retirement??
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This is the school climate survey that needs to circulate! Hopefully you aren’t weeping. ❤️
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hahaha – I am now imagining this as a school climate survey. Oh how I would love that. And no weeping here – though the magnetic poetry one *might* be based on reality. (It absolutely is.)
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I envy A.
I dislike B. (unless they keep it to themselves)
I identify as C.
I got a lot of Ds in school. (weeps quietly in the corner)
This was great to read. I’m guessing you’re a lot closer to that A. level than you let other people know. This should be a viral post on Teacher Twitter …or at NCTE.
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I’m not even sure I envy A – I am deeply suspicious that they are lying through their teeth. heeheehee We’re mostly doing pretty well, but some days I do wonder if someone might show up with a coffee for me. 😉
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OK, I don’t often laugh OUT LOUD when I read posts, but I did today! And I love the way you’ve gone the full spectrum from Instagram/Pinterest ideal teacher to…yeah. How most of us are feeling.
Tell me. While you were writing this, how many times exactly did you find yourself giggling just a little bit at one of the answer choices you created? I’d have to figure (or hope!) it might have been a bunch.
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Oh, I giggled a lot. And I might have snorted a few times while creating the “a” answers. Also, originally I was going to make this an Instagram/ Pinterest/ Twitter teacher thing, but it got too complicated. I’m impressed that you caught that!
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Ha! I knew it! I knew it! It makes me love this quiz even more. =))
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Oh Amanda, laughing all the way through while I was also silent weeping at my answers. You can guess what they are…
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Oh yes. I think we’re all somewhere between laughing & weeping – often in the same class!
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