Category: writing

The Blank Page #SOLC25 28/31

Tonight, I offer a true free write – from my brain to the page, and then to your brain. I warn you now: it got odd.

It’s not that I don’t have anything to write, it’s that I have everything to write.

It’s not that I have everything to write, it’s that I don’t have the time to write what I want in the way that I want to.

It’s not that I don’t have the time to write what I want in the way that I want to, it’s that I am doing too many things.

It’s not that I am doing too many things, it’s that there are so many things I want to do.

It’s not that there are so many things I want to do, it’s that I keep doing things that aren’t that important to me.

It’s not that I keep doing things that aren’t important to me, it’s that so many things must be done.

It’s not that so many things must be done, it’s that I’m not managing my time well.

It’s not that I’m not managing my time well, it’s that there’s not enough time to do everything.

It’s not that there’s not there’s not enough time to do everything, it’s the idea that there is everything to do.

Usually, when my brain reaches this point, I take a bath.

When I take a bath, I sometimes look at the state of my toenails. They could almost always use some love. Sometimes when I look at the state of my toenails, I wonder what they would look like if I had married the man who was interested in my feet when I was in my twenties. We didn’t date or anything – I didn’t even know him well; he was my roommate’s colleague, an attractive South African man who sometimes came by. Several times, he mentioned how much he liked my painted toenails. It turns out, he also mentioned them to my roommate once or twice when I was not there. Apparently he liked my feet. This felt… unusual.

Sometimes, I imagine that I married the handsome South African who I did not know well and who found my feet attractive. I imagine that my feet now would be amazing. I would get regular pedicures and I would not have done things that made my feet spread and whatnot over the years. If we had had children, I would not have walked around barefoot in the heat during my pregnancies. I would spend a lot of money on shoes, and they would all fit me perfectly, so my feet wouldn’t have the weird lumps and bumps that feet sometimes acquire. I probably would not do yoga or run. These things are hard on one’s feet.

I suspect that by now, if I had married him, I would resent the attention that my feet required. I would get pedicures, but I wouldn’t think of them as a wonderful indulgence; instead, I would consider them wasteful and time-consuming. I would look at women on their way to yoga and long for the inner peace I imagined they experienced. I would think wistfully of buying cheap shoes at PayLess and I would resent the way my friends casually compared me to Imelda Marcos. Maybe I would be considering divorce – or already divorced! – because I was so frustrated at having to take care of my feet. 

I get out of the tub, happy with the revelation that I have better things to do than take care of my feet – things like write a slice of life about the weird ways my brain works. Then my spouse, who is not South African and probably prefers my writing to my feet, comes and settles in next to me. “I think my brain is better than my feet,” I whisper, and, while he looks perplexed, to my delight, he agrees.

4-4-4 #SOLC25 23/31

This evening, after several false starts (possibly because I’m still a little tired from whatever illness got me down yesterday), I decided to do a 4-4-4: write about four things within four feet of you for four minutes. I set the timer & wrote, then went to have dinner with the family. Now I’ve spent another minute editing/ tidying. (And probably another minute writing this.) It’s a pretty good way to get writing when I’m feeling stuck. Special thanks to Elisabeth Ellington who used this form earlier this month and to whomever mentioned Saffy’s Angel (maybe as a book her mother liked? Can’t remember.)

***

On the other side of the bookshelf, Mr. 14 is on the computer. What is he doing? I don’t know. I do know that earlier today he let me add him to my Google Classroom to check out a quiz I made. Then he commented on my quiz (“interesting, but hard”). He’s awfully fun to have nearby; one of the many reasons I appreciate having his computer in our main living area.

He’s just behind this bookshelf

My feet are up on the arm of the love seat in front of me. Just beyond them, our black lab mix, Max, is snoring lightly. He prefers being near me whenever possible; even better if he can be near me and in a soft space. If I stir, he’ll wake up, but for now, he sleeps peacefully.

Max takes up the entire love seat

Beside me on the couch are two blue yoga balls in a small mesh bag. They are calling me, reminding me that some mobility work will be good for my body, even if I’m not quite done being sick, even if I would rather just sit and read my new book, James by Percival Everett. It’s open and just next to the yoga balls. So far, it is amazing. I finished The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store just in time for book club on Friday night; that one was a slow read for me. Then, yesterday, I read Saffy’s Angel – a middle grade novel recommended by Elisabeth Ellington – because I spent most of the day in bed. It was a great half-sick lie-in-bed read. Last night I started James, and I’m tearing through it – making much faster progress than I did on The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store. 

Time’s up. 

yr move #SOLC25 17/31

hey

im returning thisessay 2U cuz u haven’t done any of th things i asked like for example u didnt capitalize i & u forgot that u half to use spellcheck and um punctuation cuz this is something u wrote for school also i specifically asked u to, you know, spell words out instead of using txt shorthand again cuz this is for school

yah & how fast can u get it back 2 me cuz i need it for report cards? Sry! I know its late but if u cd be fast that wd be grt. Also ur parents will freak on me if ur marks r low so id rlly appreciate it if u wd do this solid

I no writing formally might seem whack, but trust, its the move – or at least, it’s ur move if u want to level up

yr tchr

Halfway #SOLC25 15/31

Today we are almost halfway through the March Slice of Life Challenge. My family and I are about halfway through this security line, but not yet halfway through our trip home. On paper, my lessons are less than halfway planned for next week, but in my head I’m way past halfway done. I am not even close to halfway done with grading I was supposedly going to do during March Break.

Statistically, I’m more than halfway through my life.

I tend to think of myself as a glass-half-full sort of person, but sometimes I’m glass-half-empty.

I’m really hopeful that the snow we left behind will be more than half gone when we get back. I’m only one third of the way through our bookclub book, and the next meeting is Friday. No problem. (See: glass half full, above.)

I’m starting to slow down on this list, so I’m almost certainly more than halfway through.

I’ve made eye contact with over half of the babies in this line, and played peekaboo with two. I’m half ready to go home, see the pets and sleep in my own bed, and half wishing we could live in Cayman forever. I halfway wish I’d used the washroom before we got in this line.

Some of our clothes were only half dry when we packed them today. Sigh.

We are not even close to halfway through Trump’s second term, but we are more than halfway through the 2020s.

Many people believe that we are living in the beginning of a new era, the Anthropocene, but my family and I are now at the end of the line, so I’m at the end of this post.

Impressions Underwater #SOLC25 13/31

We finished our scuba course today: we now have four certified divers in our family. We loved the diving, but after three days in and out of the water, learning, we were so tired that we all – including the teens! – took a nap. 

The sun is slowly setting as I sit on the porch and try to find words for what it was like to experience this part of the planet we live on. Even after the nap, I’m so tired that words just keep swirling around. Our instructor told us that it’s the effects of pressure changes on the body, and he knows more than I do. Either way, I can barely think, so for today I will let words swirl and aim for watercolour impressionism:

Under the blue
Kneel on the white sand and
pass the tiny crab from hand to waiting hand;
watch the clear blue shrimp wave their antennae, safely tucked in 
the tentacles of the curly anemone that peeks out from under a shell.
Breathe.
Silver bubbles rise.
Touch the anchor of the wreck –
No rust, but maybe luck, rubs off.
Ascend no faster than your silver bubbles.
Breathe.
Equalize.
Fly from coral mountain peak to coral mountain peak.
Although the deep blue beckons below,
Don’t descend.
Know your limits;
Share your air;
Practice breathing
as the gray sharks swim by and one turns, curious.
Who are you to be in her world?
Hover over a sting ray as she feeds,
disturbing the white sand on which you have knelt
elsewhere
under the deep blue ocean.
Breathe.
Rise with your silver bubbles.

My favourite place #SOLC25 12/31

I have woken first. I sit at the table on the porch of my aunt’s cottage and sip milky spiced chai. I am relaxed.

The white-winged doves call almost continuously over the soft susurration of water and the cool rustle of the morning breeze through the palm leaves. I know that beyond the porch screen, the world is awake, although from here everything looks still. The deep green water in the little bay calmly offers a mirrored view of everything it sees. If I wander out across the white sand, I will be able to see hermit crabs exploring the shallow edges of the water, jelly fish – beautiful pulsing flowers – a little further out, and fish of various sorts swimming through the reeds, but for this moment, I am quiet on the land.

A grackle flies into the jungle geranium (ixora coccinea) bushes which surround the house, and she poses. She tilts her sleek head at me as if she knows how beautifully her iridescent black feathers contrast against the green leaves and red flowers. Really, she’s just hoping for food. “I don’t have anything for you,” I say and, as if she understands, she flies away. She’ll be back throughout the day, but for now, I imagine her reporting to friends, “No, she’s the only one awake, and she’s still drinking her tea.”

Soon, my spouse appears and joins the lively quiet of this space. We speak occasionally, easily, but mostly we allow ourselves to exist independent of whatever expectations weigh on us elsewhere. The birds continue to call.

Now the human world begins to wake. Now engines growl from the road, from the water. A couple walks by, conversing in hushed tones, moving towards different water – the pool or the ocean. Two paddleboarders slip almost silently into sight. Next door, a little one runs to the edge of the bay, a pail in hand, ready to shape her tiny part of the world. I stand to make a second pot of tea and the curious grackle comes back. 

View from the porch

This place – my aunt & uncle’s cottage – is my favourite place in the world.

Locked out #SOLC25 9/31

We are locked out of my aunt’s house. She and my spouse left about an hour ago to go see my nephew (really my cousin’s son, but big families get confusing) in a swim meet. My boys and I stayed behind, too happy in the ocean to go with them. Eventually, I traded the Caribbean for the heated pool, and soon my kids followed.

While they roughhoused in the pool, I made my way back to my aunt’s place to write today’s post – only to discover that the key she left behind didn’t turn in the lock. So here I sit, poolside, writing on my phone and watching my teens. They’ve had me film them in slo-mo as they do various wild tricks; now they’re playing something akin to baseball with a pool noodle and a beach ball. My writing keeps getting interrupted by gales of laughter and giggles.

The sun is starting to set, so I have finally texted to admit that we can’t get in – but we’re in no rush. When we left this morning it was snowing and gray; we can stay here, locked out together, and be happy for a long time.

My view as I write

Yes or No? #SOLC25 6/31

We’ve been reading short stories in Grade 9 in preparation for reading Jason Reynolds’ novel Long Way Down. We’ve reviewed/ learned vocabulary like “plot” and “climax”; we’ve talked about summary vs retelling vs opinion; we’ve read a story with an ambiguous ending (because I know what we’re getting into); we’ve even practice discussing big ideas, like equality and utopia. Some days are good – like Tuesday, when the Socratic-ish discussion of equality led one group into a discussion about whether police need to be more powerful than everyone else; suddenly they were thinking deeply about the story and our world and things that seem awfully important – and some days are, well, less good.

Today, Thursday, I asked students to choose one of three prompts and write a one or two paragraph response. I firmly believe that this is a reasonable expectation, but 24 students means 24 different interpretations of reasonable, and some students were not happy with the request. Still, I was surprised when a usually strong student called me over about five minutes into our writing time, clearly distressed.

They had chosen the prompt “In your opinion, is the society in “Harrison Bergeron” a utopia?” even though they missed the day we discussed that. On their screen they had written, “No.”

They looked at me, a bit wide-eyed, and said, “I don’t know what else to write.”

“Mmmm… “ I said, “I can see the problem. I’ve made a mistake.”

“Yes,” they nodded emphatically.

“May I?” I asked, as I reached toward their keyboard. With permission, I typed, “Explain your reasoning using examples from the story.”

The student breathed an audible sigh of relief and said, “Oh, ok” and immediately began writing more as they muttered, “It was a yes or no question.”

Yes, sweet child, it was a yes or no question. Thank goodness I was able to fix it.

Anything you can do to a cloud #SOLC25 2/31

Sheri set a timer and did a free write for six minutes because someone else did the same, so here I am, jumping on the bandwagon on day two. And I should know how to do this: I freewrite all the time in my teaching practice because I am forever trying to convince my students that it is OK – even good – to just write. My goal for them by the end of the semester is seven minutes. I have no idea why, but there it is. And truthfully, for grade 9, at this point we’re aiming for five solid minutes of writing.

I need to admit that I have deleted a few times already – but I swear this is mostly free writing and if I were handwriting this, I would have just crossed things out, so that counts.

Why do I free write with them? I honestly think that seeing someone else write, watching their process and their struggles, noticing how they pause and keep going, seeing what they throw away and what they keep, can help students understand that writing isn’t about presenting perfected ideas – in fact, it’s about the opposite of that: writing is about honing ideas, checking them out, looking at them from different angles, dressing them up in words and seeing what they look like, finding the places where the ideas aren’t entirely complete…

That’s a lot of mixed metaphors, but hey, it’s a free write.

So I write in front of my students, near my students, among my students. In class, I tell students that a preposition is anything you can do to a cloud – you can go in front of a cloud, near a cloud, through a cloud, over a cloud – and then we write sentences with prepositions, playing with making very long, very silly sentences.

I started this blog in part to experience for myself some of the things my students experience: writing on a deadline, writing when I don’t feel like it, writing when I don’t have much to say, writing knowing that someone else will read it.

Time is up. Now I’ve done my one-minute post-writing clean-up (another trick I use – so they re-read and make a few changes) so I can post this. Then, tomorrow, when we’re writing, I’ll have proof that freewriting is “real” and even shareable. Maybe this will even help them write more.

Community #SOLC25 1/31

It’s snowing again. What purports to be our front yard is currently a pile of snow so tall that shovelling more snow on top of it causes mini-avalanches either back onto the shoveller or over the top and down the other side. Across from our driveway, a snow pile significantly bigger than our minivan looms ominously. To leave home in the car, I have to do a sort of backwards three-point turn, using the snow mountain as a semi-soft reminder of how far I can go – though our recent thaw-freeze cycle means that the snow is a little more compacted and a whole lot harder than it was a week ago. Our street was due for snow clearing *before* the last big dump, but each major snow storm sees the city scrambling to remove snow from the bigger roads while our little residential street slowly subsides under the white stuff.

As I leave my house to walk to a massage appointment, neighbours are already out clearing their driveways. Glenn pauses to greet me, teasing, “Here I thought you were coming out to shovel, but I suppose you’ve got teenagers for that.”

“Ha! They’re only any good if you can wait until mid-afternoon for the driveway to be cleared.” I laugh. Then I realize that Glenn is shovelling Mario’s driveway – and Mario is maybe snow blowing Glenn’s driveway? Unclear. And a guy from the halfway house – someone I haven’t met yet – is obviously helping Glenn.

“Did you all get confused about who lives where?” Everyone laughs, and we banter for a moment before I head on my way, grinning at the way our neighbourhood functions.

***

The massage therapist has a 7-month old and updates me on all the recent developments – he’s rolling both ways now, and he’ll be crawling any day now. I tell him (the father, not the baby) about my own children, and we marvel at the changes in our lives since I started seeing him a few years ago.

After the appointment, we’re still chatting while I put on my coat and boots, and his next client arrives. “I thought I recognized that voice!” she laughs, and I turn around to see a former colleague. Since I last saw her, she moved away and back, had a baby, turned 40. Social media has let us keep up a little, but here in the little office, we greet each other again.

***

And now I’m home, starting my 8th year of participating in the March Slice of Life Challenge. I have already read a few blog posts from friends (though I’ve never met them in person). I write knowing that some of my friends from as far back as elementary school will read my posts, and we’ll reach out and catch up a little. I’m anticipating a month full of moments where we’re all shovelling each other’s virtual driveways and running into each other in the comments section. Once again, I’m looking forward to this community we create with words.

With many thanks to the team at Two Writing Teachers for growing and preserving this community.