It’s 3:34 and I have forgotten something. I know I have forgotten it because I remember that I was going to be late to my weekly online teacher knitting group (we are lots of fun – for real). I’m pretty sure that the thing I’ve forgotten must start around 6 or 6:30. It’s not the gender reveal party for my brother & sister-in-law’s baby: that was Sunday & I remembered it. It’s not the doctor’s appointment I forgot on Friday and re-scheduled for Wednesday. Dang it – tomorrow’s Wednesday – I’d nearly forgotten. Thomas’s hair cut was on Friday and mine is scheduled for Saturday coming up. The next book club isn’t until April. Marks were due last week and Parent-Teacher interviews aren’t until Thursday night…
No idea.
I have an agenda and I use it. I used to even think I used it well, but that was before the pandemic. With all the craziness of Covid, I’ve started writing *everything* in pencil, but still: it’s usually mostly there. My bigger problem is that the days insist on running together right now. I regularly spend three or even four days convinced that it’s Wednesday. Usually I’m right at least once.
And now it’s after 4pm. I’ve updated my CV, answered some emails, talked on the phone… I still don’t know what I’ve forgotten, but whatever it is, I’m getting closer to having missed it. Soon, I’ll be past the feeling of dread and segue right into a feeling of regret about whatever it is. Oh sure, there’s a chance that someone will call me between now and whenever the thing I’ve forgotten is supposed to happen. Maybe they’ll remind me before I miss it. But probably not. Pretty much everyone I know isn’t quite sure if today is Wednesday. Or Thursday. Or Monday. Or maybe Tuesday? Who knows? One way or another, someone will be at whatever event I’m about to miss. I hope they take good notes.
Update: 5:02 and I’ve remembered what I forgot but I have, indeed, already missed it and, as predicted, have moved directly into regret. SIGH. The good news is that I have plenty more opportunities to forget meetings in the coming weeks, and maybe next time I’ll remember what I forgot before I miss it.
Persistence and Pedagogy 
What an odd feeling to not only forget what day it is but to have it happen so often that it just becomes what life is. With 3 kids as a full time teacher I totally get it! I hope it wasn’t too bad, what you missed, and I hope knitting was fun!
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I like the attitude you have, Amanda. Someone will be there and will give you notes! That’s the right way to go with the flow these days!
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I worry a lot about what is plaguing you. It’s such a helpless feeling to know there’s something and not be able to remember. I worry most about missing a flight. Had to chuckle at this: “I still don’t know what I’ve forgotten, but whatever it is, I’m getting closer to having missed it.”
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It’s so weird how the days are confusing. And I’m even teaching at school every day! This morning I said, “Ha! I keep thinking it’s Wednesday.” Then I couldn’t figure out why my daily plans looked wrong. Turned out I printed Wednesday’s plans. Oops. I loved this line in your post: “Soon, I’ll be past the feeling of dread and segue right into a feeling of regret about whatever it is. ” I saw that you updated and missed your event. I do hope someone share’s notes. Hang in there!
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or even shares them 🙂
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Ahh. Molly stole the comment I was going to make. The segue from dread to regret. I admire people who can identify the flow and transformation from one emotion to another. I’m also imagining that riding a Segway from Dread to Regret would be more fun than say riding a commuter train from Hope to Despair. So there’s that at least.
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I felt my own mind start to spin as I read your post. I really could embrace that emotion of “I’ve forgotten… I’m wracking my brain… ” It was cool how you let us into your thoughts!
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The inner dialogue documented here is clever especially when I looked at the organization beginning with the time, the exploration internally of time and dislocation to the ending of time. This is framed within one and a half hours but traverses through a type of listing and use of humour. This is such a relatable, playful post!
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You are not alone. I feel these lines- “My bigger problem is that the days insist on running together right now. I regularly spend three or even four days convinced that it’s Wednesday. Usually I’m right at least once.” Glad you finally remembered, but may you not linger too long on regret (perhaps you could just forget that feeling). At least you remembered to slice!
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I am completely pulled in and, in typical fashion, starting to spiral into my own forgotten engagements. This is so vivid; I feel you have tapped into one of my nightmares. Knit like the wind tonight, and I hope that the only thing you missed today are the drop stitches in your seafoam pattern. Happy Wednesday!
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This one had me laughing and relating! Everyone commented on the brilliant lines! I love how this slice feels like a stream of consciousness as if it just fell onto the paper. Thanks for sharing and please know, I can 110% relate!
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I always think it’s Wednesday! I could relate to this whole post (except the knitting!) I had an appointment this morning so I wasn’t due at work until 12:00. Every 30 seconds I was checking to see if it was time to leave. Took all the fun out of having the morning off! I now have everything in my phone along with automatic reminders. I even set alarms for things, like a 7 a.m. alarm to help keep me on track in the morning. Time has definitely become wobbly for me in the past year.
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Amanda, you have so eloquently described what I call “CoronaBrain”. I’m sorry you forget your event.
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This is such a great post. Aren’t we all forgetting what day it is, what appointment we made? My favorite line is “Soon, I’ll be past the feeling of dread and segue right into a feeling of regret.” And your last line is a gem! Today I proceeded to take a walk at 4 o’clock since it was 63 degrees in March, and only realized at the end of my walk that i had signed up for an NCTE rescheduled workshop at 4 o’clock.
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You captured that nagging feeling of trying to remember. My planner is just a thing I carry around in my school bag now and I just flipped the calendar from January to March… good news is, tomorrow IS Wednesday (even though today definitely felt like Thursday).
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I used to think I was on top of things, organized, reliable, ahead of the game, prompt…in came Covid. Swoop. None of the above. I have forgotten everything. I even forget to write things down when I’m on the phone planning the thing I’m going to forget. Like, this is a THING this year. This forgetting everything is a thing. It seems like a thing that’s not going anywhere for awhile. And, if it does go somewhere, it will probably be late. I always, always feel like I’m supposed to be somewhere (in-person or on some Zoom I forgot about). At least, I see that there are loads of us that are doing the same. I would really like to see some research on why this is happening, why is this a thing? I bet you never forget to go to your online teacher knitting group! Now, that sounds unforgettable. 😉
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Nothing wrong with pencil, or recovery from regret, or any other coping strategies on any day of the week. Or *every* day of the week; or, to repeat a coworker’s coining, that covers all calendar moments, definitive and speculative: on Blursday.
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It’s great that you just roll with the punches and don’t let it bother you or only briefly. I’d be so much worse. Just a charming and delightful post to read and be glad it wasn’t me who forgot this time!
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